Things are Looking Up!

"Things are looking.  I've been looking the landscape over, and it's covered with four-leaf clovers . . . "

Good evening, dear readers.  I know my posts have been rather cranky this week, mostly because I've been rather cranky.  Even the blasts from the past have been downers.  I have follow-ups to posts from earlier this week to write which will clarify some things, and give you a better idea of what I was thinking/feeling.  Mental/emotional processing is a VERY big part of recovery.  However, the last two days have been rather lovely, so I thought I'd share a small bit.

I've been slowly but surely losing weight the last 18 months.  27 pounds total!  ***  I haven't changed THAT much activity.  However, I eat VERY well and don't keep crap in the house.  If I want something THAT badly, I have to decide whether I want to walk my butt the 3/4 mile up to the gas station to get it.  It's been very helpful and rewarding to my self esteem. I also eat a lot of fruit and yogurt, for health as well as convenience.  I never thought I'd be one of those people who buys the pre-packaged fruit cups, they ARE more expensive, but with my schedule I really need grab and go.  So that also means a lot of nuts and protein bars in addition to my fresh fruit and soy milk/cow milk mix.  Plus you can buy fruit cups in natural juices instead of the overwhelming syrup!

I've been getting more exercise more consistently.  It's not that I've INCREASED my exercise, but that the frequency has changed.  I haven't owned a vehicle since late January 2010.  I do drive, but the car I had died horribly and I haven't been able to replace it.  So days I have to leave the house (at least 4 of 7) I walk to and from the bus stop, the train, etc.  The general minimum is 1.5 miles.  The general maximum if not running errands is 4 miles.  With QUITE a few stairs getting on and off the train platform.  There are two buses I can catch to and from one of my client's homes, but I typically opt to walk.  It's often faster than waiting for my connection, the exercise is good for me, and the weather has been increasingly lovely. 

The walking being broken up throughout the day has made an INCREDIBLE difference.  And if you don't know, the Saint Louis area has a LOT of hills.  My butt has never been so flat!  Other than the weight loss, I have had two major, obvious benefits.  One-- I sleep far better overall (although there are always times when sleep is a challenge)  Two-- my legs and overall body is looser.  I carry my stress in my legs and hips, but I have a very high pain thresh-hold.  I often don't realize just how tight I am until my back starts to ache.  My problem areas stay loose and warm, also allowing me to get a deeper, longer stretch.  Add into account that I sometimes sit in HORRIBLE chairs at school most of the day-- the walking really helps.

If I go a few days without leaving the house and DON'T make myself go out and walk, I FEEL it.  I'm tight and my sleep is often worse.

But with all that build-up, here is my happy happy experience of today and yesterday. . . .   I have been swapping out winter clothes for spring and summer.  Many of my clothes are too big right now, and I don't really have the extra time or extra cash to hit Goodwill and the other resale shops.  A good friend of mine who is like my sister, has usually been one size smaller than I.  She, TOO, is losing weight so I went 'shopping' in her closet earlier this week.  That was helpful.  But as I started really looking at my wardrobe I started making choices of what to save and store and what to put away.

THEN I started getting out warm weather clothes.  I started trying them on.  I have so many FABULOUS tops that fit again.  Or almost fit (either being tad too big or a tad too tight)  So far EVERY pair of slacks I've tried on (5 total) have been WAY too big, plus two pairs of jeans.  Two pairs of capris now fit well.  Unfortunately they're very casual, so I'm going to need something nicer for the good tops.

So I still need to go shopping, but what a WONDERFUL feeling!!!  You can really see the loss when things no longer fit.  And by giving them away I DON'T have a fall back.  That will make me work to keep where I am, AND keep going.  Found several nice things that are still about 2 sizes too small, but I think I can get into them by the end of summer.

So there's part of my happy Friday/Saturday.  Let's do the Snoopy Dance!!!


***For anyone unaware, psychiatric medication VERY often involves weight gain.  Some meds cause compulsive eating (unbeknownst to the patient unless it is continually pointed out).  MANY meds slow down your metabolism and/or screw with your sex hormones.  Often people who are depressed crave carbs, because it can help with the imbalanced neutro-transmitters.

So body image due to weight gain often becomes a stressor for people with MI.  And we already HAVE self-esteem issues thanks to our illness.  Kind of a lose-lose.  Take your meds and get fat, but feel better.  Don't take your meds to stop weight gain and maybe reverse the gain, and give your disease greater control over your life.  Not a pleasant choice.